fairest rose
by iwant2bearose
Summary: Stiles is let down when Scott rejects his feelings, Derek gives stiles a rose.


my chest ached as I paced down the sidewalk the image of his face plagued my thoughts, his crooked smile and black locks that drug me back in every time i told myself it was enough. that i deserved better, but I've never known anything else than the sting of rejection. i kept telling myself, repeated constantly that this was going to be all it was. he was never going to follow through with the promise of actually becoming something other than...whatever this was. we were friends, best friends actually since i could remember, he was always there and i can't exactly remember a time when i didn't know Scott and we weren't inseparable.i didn't know it'd hurt like this, when i finally expressed the way i'd felt for him. he said he felt the same. his touches and nice words proved it for awhile, but now I'm not so sure. it was nice, but i'd give back that taste of affection so i wouldn't have to feel like this and things would just be normal. because him just saying it wasn't enough for me, i got greedy and i wanted more. should i have just been happy he was willing to explore those feelings for me? sometimes i feel like i should have been.

it still hurt and all i could focus on was the pulsing emptiness i felt when i thought about him, he was everything. i could barely focus on where i was walking, every now and then i made sure i was on the right track and not walking into the street to my death. but i guess wouldn't feel it, i was numb. i felt the buzz of my phone on my pocket. i hoped it was Scott and the thought that it might not be made my chest hurt. i didn't want to hear from anyone else, no one else really mattered to me. he was the only person on my mind and i wanted it to stop but at the same time i wanted it to stay. it reminded me, i guess. i reached into the pocket of my jeans pulling out the scratched touch screen holding my breathe as i swiped the screen to unlock. my chest sank when it didn't read his name, why was he ignoring me? maybe didn't want me anymore. i had to put this aside. i composed myself to read what was on my phone. Derek?...what'd he want? i ignored it blacking my screen and slipping in back into my pocket. i didn't care enough to hear anything thing from anyone else, i wanted him i wanted his words, his voice. a second later i left the buzz on my thigh again, i didn't check this time even if it was Scott.

his words kept repeating in my head,'i don't know what i want' it obviously wasn't me. if it was this wouldnt be happening...i told myself this, but it never succeeded in keeping me away. the sky was light by the sun but paler like a shy white light covered by clouds rather than a burning star. wind brushed pasted my cheeks in light wisps cold enough for my cheeks and nose to become a little icy before the heat of the sun defrosted me. my t-shirt and flannel were enough to keep me warm in this sweater weather. school ended a little while ago and i was walking today because i didn't trust myself the task of focusing on the road. Scott would be the only id wanted to think of, soon enough i came walking up the driveway to my house, my fathers car was missing leaving only an oil satin where it used to be. he must have been at the sheriffs station, now that he knew beacon hills secrets he would get more done keeping in mind that the impossible was now in fact possible.i walked in the empty house heading straight towards my room, throwing my backpack on the floor i slumped myself on the bed. again i felt the buzz with in my pocket, sighing i pulled it from my jeans again swiping it to see three new messages from Derek. i dismissed it, throwing my phone across the bed. he was the last person i'd want to talk to. i didn't want to think, because if i did it was about him. my feelings were as unpredictable as the weather, i didn't care about anything else the longing and hurt was all that mattered to me. i wanted to be alone but at the same time didn't. i wanted the world to go away. but i wasn't as simple as that, life granted us that privilege of being crushed by our worries until we eventually broke.

I fell on my back staring the the grey ceiling, i suddenly regret picking such a dull color for my living place. Scott suggested it, but that was so long ago and i now i also regret listening to him cause now i'm trapped surrounded by a color that will always bring a memory of him. god, i couldn't believe how pathetic i was being, this was completely out of character for me. ha, how was i kidding. i closed my eyes, trying to calm my my mind as i focused on the in and out take of my breaths. for a moment it worked and i didn't feel so heavy, my limbs were cool and seemed nonexistent.'tick tick' and it was gone, flickering my eyes open. 'tick tick' i groaned turning my head towards the sound coming from my window. the confusion on my face was must have been vivid as picked myself up to walk towards the window where Derek currently waited to be let in. unlocking the window i slide it open, wind flowing lightly threw the opening.

"Derek, what are doing?" i asked leaning against the window pain.

i didn't have the strength to stand straight up i felt so heavy like i was going to shut down at any minute, and i most certainly didn't have the energy to think of snarky comebacks to whatever Derek was about to say. why was he here anyways? he wasn't the one i wanted to see.

"i needed to talk to you." he responded.

"what could you possibly need to tell me Derek? whatever it is its going to have to wait for some other time because i'm not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially you!" i rushed the words into a frustrated shout.

that was uncalled for, i didn't mean to say it so harshly and i immediately wish i didn't let my emotions get the best of me. they'd been building up for this long, they were bound to come out on someone some time. but the worst part was he didn't say anything to get back at me like he usually would and we'd go on hating each other as nature had intended us to be. he brushed it off like he didn't hear it.

"i'm sorry Derek, that wasn't true."

"yeah it was, but its okay...actually Scott sent me." he breathed

just the tone of his voice made my stomach ache.

"what'd he say." i spoke in almost a whisper because it was all i could manage right now.

i could feel my throat start to burn as i tried to mask the emotion that began to form inside of me. i couldn't let myself breathe, if i did it'd be short haggard.

"my feelings just aren't as strong as they use to be, i can't do this anymore. i'm so sorry." he recited the words hed been given to say. "im sorry stiles."

i didnt want to cry, it'd be too dramatic, pathetic. especially in from of derek, i would let him see me so vulnerable. but it was coming i knew it would, and i dont think ill be able to stop myself.

"no, its fine. really. i knew this was coming." i pretended as i walked away from the opening.

"Stiles you don't have to pretend like you're not hurt." he said climbing inside.

"really? you're telling me its okay to feel, the one who walks around like nothing hurts him, you don't care about anything...you can't know how it feels." i felt the tears well up, and i could hardly breathe as looked at him.

"you're right, i have nothing that could hurt me anymore. i'm a numb shell of a person, that's all you think i am right?"

"that's not what i meant." i said but i could no longer look at him.

"but it is, and that's where you're wrong. you're always right, cause you're the smartest person i know and you never failed to surprise me in solving the most difficult task. but i do have feelings stiles, i care about things and i've known what its like to lose sight of the ones you love. i care about people, Isaac, Scott, you. so that's where you're wrong."

i almost chuckled at the thought of Derek caring for me, id never had any proof of that.

"i could care less about peter."

"you don't care about me." i shook my head slightly.

"cause you know me better than anyone right."

he was right, i couldn't possibly know how he felt inside. the only time he'd let out his emotions were the deaths of erica and boyd, he never said it but he loved them. it must have hurt him to know that they were his responsibility...and he let them down. so i didn't say anything cause i didn't have a comeback this time, and it surprised me so for awhile it was silent till he spoke.

"i-uh i got you this. it reminded me of you, and i thought you'd need it considering the circumstances."

from behind his back he pulled a single pale rose into view, i'd been so busy trying not to cry i didn't notice his hand behind his back.

"when i saw it it was surrounded by others, pink as well but this one was the fairest of all. like you...i removed the thorns so you wouldn't prick yourself."

i glanced at the rose then at him, any other day this would've been weird but today i was fragile and his attempt of being affectionate was comforting and a little amusing. i couldn't help but smile as i looked at the flower in his large hand. i was fragile, much like a rose.

"fairest of them all huh? who am i snow white?" i said as took the single rose from his hand.

"well your skin is white as snow."

the corners of my lips lifted slightly at his reference to a Disney movie.

"i didn't know if you'd like it, i wasn't sure roses were your thing or not." he said as i observed the flower.

"Rosa berberifolia." i said

"huh?"

"Rosa berberifolia, its the proper name for a rose. i was never the best at biology but out of all plants i remembered the name for a rose because they're my favorite." i say, bringing my eyes to his face.

he nodded.

"ive never been given a rose before." i say as i feel the soft pelts with the tips of my fingers.

"Scott has never given you one?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"he doesn't even know i like them, he never wondered or thought to ask i guess." i chuckled. "kind of makes realize we would have never worked."

being with Scott for that time period was sweet but i did always feel like there was something missing, i couldn't pinpoint it. i had everything i ever wanted but sometimes i could help but feel empty.

"you deserve all the roses in the world stiles." he said it like he was trying to convince me.

he began to head back to the window, halfway through the opening before i called out to him.

"hey, hold on." i said

he stilled turning his gaze to face me, his eyes were softer than i thought they'd be.

"thanks, for this. you didn't have to."

"i know." i said plainly and i almost rolled my eyes. "i just really wanted to."

And with that he was gone, i leaned on the window sill looking for any trace of him but he was gone. perks of being a werewolf right? superhuman speed. i closed my window locking it before, walking over to my bed thinking about what just happened, but it wasn't long before i remembered why he came. and all at once the hurt came back as i felt single tears fall from each of my eyes. i hated crying but i felt like it was all i could do, now that i was alone i could let the hurt go. come out of me in the from sobs and droplets of salty water. i wiped the tears in disgust, then looking at the pastel rose that i held in skinny hands. setting it on my nightstand i walked down the the kitchen grabbing a glass vase under the sink that has been left to gather dust. there wasn't anymore use for it after my mom died, she loved flowers. after i'd washed it and filled it with water i brought it up to my room. setting it on the nightstand, i placed the rose into the water.


End file.
